“Only in the realm of Praising should Lament walk.” -Rilke
Thirty-six years ago today I was in Papeete, Tahiti (a bonus from the design firm I was working for at the time) when my mother died suddenly from heart failure. I returned home the next day to find her gone. Poof. Nine months after my brother. Her memorial was July 5th. Since then, the July 4th holiday has has always been shrouded in her memory even as the years have lessened my grief.
It seems appropriate for me to unveil the memoir that I have been working on for nearly as long. It is still in process, but I’ve made enough progress (thanks to many writing groups over the years) that I feel confident it will become a reality. I’ll be posting pieces on Substack soon. Though feeling vulnerable, I hope that sharing my story will as always inspire others on their journey and support creativity and healing—personally and collectively.
A SYNOPSIS:
At 29, I couldn’t know when sitting next to my brother’s bed as he lay dying from AIDS that my life was about to be shattered and that nothing would never be the same again. This is a soul journey that began with an early artistic impulse as the youngest of five children growing up in a small New Hampshire town that became overshadowed by the tumultuous decade of the 1960s. Later Florida’s lush, sensuous landscape, deepened my creative spirit, leading me to study art before moving to Los Angeles to pursue a career in graphic design.
After a disastrous start that tested my faith, I landed a position with a design firm specializing in travel. But in just two short years, I was plunged into the dark night of the soul after the deaths of my brother followed by the sudden deaths of my best friend and beloved mother over a nine-month period. A descent of soul that nearly destroyed me, it was a mythic journey into the underworld, and I would eventually return with a renewed vision for my life.
Art saved me. Painting my heart on the canvas, reading my brother’s journals, and a compassionate therapist who could bear witness to my suffering, would usher in a spiritual awakening that set in motion a new life in Portland, Oregon—one rich with creativity, art, community, and meaning. In 2002, following the thread of this soul calling brought me to a ten-day training with environmental activist Joanna Macy that was a profound homecoming to my ecological self. I returned committed to serving the healing of our world and founded Sacred Art Studio in 2003.
A story of love, loss, art, and resilience, this deeply personal journey follows a heartfelt path through grief toward healing—for the self, for others, and for the earth. It affirms the transformative power of art and holy listening, and the courage required to face our own and the world’s pain without turning away. From New Hampshire to the four corners of the United States, Paris, Bora Bora, and Peru this is an inspirational journey that will keep you turning the page to discover where the journey leads.
Happy Interdependence Day!
Amy
Art: Detail from “Rilke’s Angel” 24×36″. 2002. Acrylic on canvas. (sold) ©Amy Livingstone
